It’s Okay to Not Be Okay: Losing A Loved One

This is dedicated to my Brother in law who lost a parent, my niece who lost a grandparent, and my sister who lost an in law. This is for my dear friend who lost her husband and her children who lost their father. This is for a friend who lost a cousin. This is for the neighbors who lost their grandparent. This is for a friend who lost his brother in law and best friend. This is for a friend who lost her mother. This is for a parent who lost their child. This is for the brother who lost his sister. This is for the sister who lost her brother. This is for you if you lost someone you loved. And lastly, this is for me as I have lost a great friend. Rest in Peace, Gary Wright.

There is never a good enough reason for a loved one to be taken from us. Losing someone you love is something so hard to bear that even a person who is mentally strong breaks down to a million pieces and drowns himself in his own tears from the heartache. There is nothing like it. When someone experiences the loss of a loved one It changes them in a way, that they could never go back being the person they once were. They will never be the same. This is not a blog to guide you on how to cope and accept your loss. This is simply to let you know that it is okay to not be okay. You may have lost someone 3 years ago maybe even 10 and stillcannot quite grasp the realtiy of it all, and that is okay. There is no timeline on when you should accept, stop crying and hurting, and move on. That is not how it works when dealing with the daily struggles of losing someone so dear to you. Losing someone you love is so devestating that you can actually feel your heart break into tiny pieces. You feel so helpless because there is nothing that can repair the loss and there is nothing that can put your broken pieces back together again.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve, you have been changed forever. You don’t wake up one day and just get over the loss you have suffered and are ready to live life the way you once did when that person was next to you. No… BUT,you may wake up one day and not even realize that you have already accepted the fact that they arent physically here with you and thats the best that you can do, is accept. You can cherish the memories, go through photos, and even talk with them. They are still near you. They did not leave you behind. They never left you at all. When you cry, they hold you wishing they could tell you that you are not alone. When you talk with them, they are hearing you and talking right back to you wishing that you could hear them, too. But when you dream of them, perhaps that is the only way they can connect with you, who knows? That is where hope comes in. You can lose yourself in your tears for a moment (not forever), but keep that hope alive. Keep that hope that tells you that one day you will be able to live with the fact that they are gone. Keep hope that you will meet with them someday and they will run to you with arms wide open.

You may wake up each and every day pretending that you are okay, while your heart is screaming in pain. I am here to tell you that you do not have to pretend. Cry. Scream. Take days off. But when you are done, you have to pick yourself back up and know that you have to continue to move forward. Not moving on, just forward. Don’t forget them, don’t cover up the pain, but feel and live until you can sincerely smile without forcing yourself to. That is hope – Finding your smile back when you have endured true hardship. Each griever must find their own way. You will find your way back to some type of normalcy. Your own normalcy. Your new normalcy. Take your time. Embrace your reality. I know your spirit is crushed, but one day it will be whole again. You will never get ‘over it’, but you will get through it. Keep that hope. Its okay to not be okay, just as long as you’re not giving up. It is hard to be strong after a tremendous loss, and you don’t have to be. You don’t even have to look strong. It’s okay to fall apart. This is one hard fight for you. This is a wound that will scab over, but never completely heal. Its okay to have bad days because it reminds you how much you love them and the good days remind you that they are right there with you. It’s okay to not be okay.