Depression Family Friendships Personal

It’s Okay to Not Be Okay: Losing A Loved One

This is dedicated to my Brother in law who lost a parent, my niece who lost a grandparent, and my sister who lost an in law. This is for my dear friend who lost her husband and her children who lost their father. This is for a friend who lost a cousin. This is for the neighbors who lost their grandparent. This is for a friend who lost his brother in law and best friend. This is for a friend who lost her mother. This is for a parent who lost their child. This is for the brother who lost his sister. This is for the sister who lost her brother. This is for you if you lost someone you loved. And lastly, this is for me as I have lost a great friend. Rest in Peace, Gary Wright.

There is never a good enough reason for a loved one to be taken from us. Losing someone you love is something so hard to bear that even a person who is mentally strong breaks down to a million pieces and drowns himself in his own tears from the heartache. There is nothing like it. When someone experiences the loss of a loved one It changes them in a way, that they could never go back being the person they once were. They will never be the same. This is not a blog to guide you on how to cope and accept your loss. This is simply to let you know that it is okay to not be okay. You may have lost someone 3 years ago maybe even 10 and stillcannot quite grasp the realtiy of it all, and that is okay. There is no timeline on when you should accept, stop crying and hurting, and move on. That is not how it works when dealing with the daily struggles of losing someone so dear to you. Losing someone you love is so devestating that you can actually feel your heart break into tiny pieces. You feel so helpless because there is nothing that can repair the loss and there is nothing that can put your broken pieces back together again.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve, you have been changed forever. You don’t wake up one day and just get over the loss you have suffered and are ready to live life the way you once did when that person was next to you. No… BUT,you may wake up one day and not even realize that you have already accepted the fact that they arent physically here with you and thats the best that you can do, is accept. You can cherish the memories, go through photos, and even talk with them. They are still near you. They did not leave you behind. They never left you at all. When you cry, they hold you wishing they could tell you that you are not alone. When you talk with them, they are hearing you and talking right back to you wishing that you could hear them, too. But when you dream of them, perhaps that is the only way they can connect with you, who knows? That is where hope comes in. You can lose yourself in your tears for a moment (not forever), but keep that hope alive. Keep that hope that tells you that one day you will be able to live with the fact that they are gone. Keep hope that you will meet with them someday and they will run to you with arms wide open.

You may wake up each and every day pretending that you are okay, while your heart is screaming in pain. I am here to tell you that you do not have to pretend. Cry. Scream. Take days off. But when you are done, you have to pick yourself back up and know that you have to continue to move forward. Not moving on, just forward. Don’t forget them, don’t cover up the pain, but feel and live until you can sincerely smile without forcing yourself to. That is hope – Finding your smile back when you have endured true hardship. Each griever must find their own way. You will find your way back to some type of normalcy. Your own normalcy. Your new normalcy. Take your time. Embrace your reality. I know your spirit is crushed, but one day it will be whole again. You will never get ‘over it’, but you will get through it. Keep that hope. Its okay to not be okay, just as long as you’re not giving up. It is hard to be strong after a tremendous loss, and you don’t have to be. You don’t even have to look strong. It’s okay to fall apart. This is one hard fight for you. This is a wound that will scab over, but never completely heal. Its okay to have bad days because it reminds you how much you love them and the good days remind you that they are right there with you. It’s okay to not be okay.

Depression Self-Care

Are You in Need of Emotional Healing?

Many of us have been in situations where we lose ourselves and struggle to find who we were again. The loss of our own selves due to traumatic interactions is so devastating that we spend much of our time searching for who we were everywhere we go. What we fail to understand is that we are no longer who we used to be.

Circumstances or relationships that were emotionally damaging left us with no choice but to change in every way. It is truly so exhausting knowing that so much sadness and fear live within us when emotional healing is needed, that we change without even realizing it.

There are layers of trauma that we don’t exactly consider as life altering until we sit down and it comes crashing down on us like waves in an ocean. We may have thought that where we were or currently are emotionally is safe and we convince ourselves to believe that we truly are, when in fact, we desperately need healing like never before.

We never think that we need this as badly as we do. We make excuses to not acknowledge our own pain. We let our pain eat at us and don’t realize that it is holding us down from moving on in our lives.

Here are 12 signs that you may be experiencing if you are in need of healing emotional wounds that were left unattended:

Lack of Confidence
Your confidence has dipped lower than your standards at this point. You look to others for approval, when you are the one disapproving of yourself. You feel incompetent in everything you do. You dress up and look good, yet you still compare yourself to others to the point that you make yourself feel bad about how you look and who you are. Lack of confidence only robs you of living your life, reaching your goals, and being proud of who you are.

Feeling Unworthy
People are left feeling unworthy when they are not able to connect to others, especially to someone whom they love and care deeply for. Sometimes in relationships you lose that connection and in losing that you begin to feel like you aren’t worthy of their love or any love for that matter. Even getting a compliment could feel meaningless to you. Accept the compliments and know that you are worthy of love, admiration, respect, and so much more. Never undervalue yourself.

Long for happiness
People who need emotional healing often wonder when their time of happiness is going to come. Happiness comes when they decide to make it happen for themselves. People often rely on their relationships and friendships for happiness. Happiness is something that already lives within and it is up to you to make it come to light or to dim that light. However, being in the wrong relationship could make you lose focus of that and even make you feel like you never even had that choice to begin with.

Self Conscious
It’s okay to be a little self conscious about yourself, even the most successful and most attractive people are. You may be self conscious about your body because you’re still holding on to some baby fat even though your baby is 6 years old. And??? Those curves look good, admire them and work it. Trying to change how you look and how you act is not the way to own your insecurities. That has to be accepted inside of you. Love who you are and you will attract those who will love you.

Doubting yourself
You begin doubting everything you do, from what you wear to what you say. You lose yourself so much that you don’t even know how to think clearly enough to stop making yourself feel like you are crazy. Start trusting yourself again and believe in you.

You overthink
Your mind goes from 0 to 100 in an instant leaving you drowning in thoughts, even some pretty toxic ones. Overthinking is a clear sign that you have been through trauma before. So, now you think of all the things that could go wrong so that you can try to stop it from happening. You can’t live a great life when you overthink everything. There is no peace in that. Let things be what they are going to be and move on.

You have trust issues
You have been lied to so much that even if someone was telling the truth you’d still think you see the lie in their story. Truth comes so rare these days anyway, but that does not mean you can discredit everyone from the get go. Healing is so important because trust is crucial in everyday life. You not only need to trust in your relationships and friendships but also doctors, family, and those you work with.

Anxiety and depression take over
After being emotionally hurt for so long, anxiety and depression take over your entire well being. This can make your everyday life so much harder than what it already is. Giving yourself time to heal is vital so that you can get to being whole again and enjoy your life.

Lack of energy
Another sign that you need healing is not having the energy for anything. Lack of energy will have you neglect things that you once found joy in like drawing, reading, or even spending time with family and friends. You need to find your energy again and get back to doing things that make you laugh and smile.

Feeling sick all the time
As stated before, being emotionally distraught will affect your entire well being. This can range from feeling nauseous everyday, losing your appetite and hardly eating, losing sleep, to having migraines. The list can go on and on. This is a red flag that you are emotionally overwhelmed.

Intuition is gone
This one goes hand in hand with doubting yourself. We are taught to trust our gut feeling and go with it, but if you have been in a toxic relationship then you know the gut feeling is almost always manipulated and undermined by that person. You then lose your sense of intuition and are left with uneasy feelings that you continue to ignore. Your intuition said what it said, be wise and listen to it.

Clinging to toxic people
And lastly, you are in such a bad place emotionally, mentally, and for some, even physically, but you are so afraid of change and of what could happen. Instead of leaving certain people behind that should be left behind you cling on to them even harder no matter how unhealthy it is for you. You need to break your own heart sometimes to heal your soul.

Healing Thoughts

There is nothing to be afraid of. Change is what makes us stronger and wiser humans. You deserve your peace and freedom from your emotional prison. You need to protect your well being, always. And to do that, you must put yourself first. You need healing and that is never a bad thing. In fact, it will help you gain a new perspective in life and love.