Category: Friendships

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Friendships

5 Qualities of a Great Friend

The friends we have are the ones that we choose as our second family. They are the ones we run to with our ups and downs in life. We go to them with great news and reached milestones. We turn to them when problems in our careers arise, our relationships are in trouble, or even when our health begins to decline.

Those that we call “Friends” have a positive effect in our lives. They make us happy, cheer us on, and remind us of how great life can be. They lend a hand when we are run down. For some, our friends are our only supporters.

We are all wired differently, but want the same worthy attributes in our friendships that make it meaningful. These are 5 qualities that not only you should possess, but also those who are your friends.

Honest
A friend who will always tell you the truth even if it may not be want you want to hear, is a great friend to have. Honesty is one of the most important features in a friendship. You know they will always tell the truth (hopefully in a tactful manner) and they are definitely TRUSTWORTHY. An honest friend can also be described as a loyal person.

Caring
Emotional support is extremely important in a friendship. A caring friend is someone you can count on when you need a shoulder to lean on. They listen to what you have to say. Whether you are devastated from a failed relationship or just down in the dumps with what life is throwing at you, a caring friend will be there to hear you out, dry your tears, and pick you back up when you are falling down.

Positive
Who wants to be friends with Negative Nancy? NOONE! Good vibes and positive energy is all anyone wants around them. A friend who has an optimistic attitude helps encourage you in life. They build your confidence and push you to your best! You know you can count on them when you are lacking the motivation you need to keep going.

Religious
Having someone who prays for you is a blessing. Having a friend who is not overly religious and tries to change your beliefs, but religious enough that you know you can call on when you or your family are going through spiritual warfare is godsent. There has not been a time in my life that I could not call on my friends when I was going through something terrible and asked them to pray for me…. and their response, “Praying now.” or “Without hesitation, keep me posted.” A religious friend feeds your heart on a totally different level.

Funny
Laughing triggers positive feelings. Everyone needs to be around someone who makes them laugh. Life is already intense and scary as it is. When you are relaxing and socializing you want to have a good time and let the heavy loads of life fall right off your shoulders for those few hours and just carry-on and laugh. Having funny friends eases anxiety and tension. Their playful point of views and laughter are contagious. They immediately improve your mood and add zest and joy to your life.

These are only a few traits, as there are so many more that contribute to wonderful friendships. Great friends will cry with you and celebrate with you. They pray with you and dream with you. They encourage you in your short term and long term goals. Having friends that carry these traits within them is a blessing even if it is just one friend.

Do you have characteristics of a great friend?

Categories
Friendships

What Fake Friends Do

Friendships makes our lives interesting and can have a positive impact in our lives. There are friends that we can count on when we are going a rough patch in our lives. Friends can be there for us when we are feeling lonely on a holiday. And there are friends that we can confide in about our fears and secrets. Friends are impactful in our lives and some even become family – Chosen Family.

Then, you have those friends that drain your energy from you. They are the ones that make you question their friendship after leaving their presence. Those are the ones we label as, “fake friends”. Everyone has had one of those and perhaps you don’t even realize that you have one of those yet. Whether the friendship is long term or newly discovered, you want to be sure that the person is indeed a quality friend. And sometimes that is hard to spot!

To make things easier for you to tell, I have listed a few characteristics of what a “fake friend” could have.

Eyeball roll your success
Some will bitterly and insincerely smile at your success and others will flat out roll their eyes at you and tell you to calm down with all of your happiness. Your success is incredibly offensive to them and they can’t hide it. They will never celebrate your success because they see it as their loss. If they aren’t the only ones succeeding, they aren’t happy for anyone else.

They are judgemental
You should be able to talk to your friends about anything without feeling that you are being judged. If you cant speak your mind or talk about your issues without them judging your every move and calling you out on what you did wrong every sinlge time, then perhaps they aren’t truly your friend. You don’t want to end up feeling worse about a situation that already hurts you to begin with.

They use you
When you don’t hear from your “friend” until they need or want something that says a lot about who they are or who they aren’t. I know life can get busy with work and whatever problems life throws, but if you are not thought of and checked on every now and then, you aren’t as valuable to them as you thought. You are sadly being used.

They put you down
If your friend throw’s shade at you every chance they get they really aren’t a good friend. Telling you that you have gained weight insensitivly and in front of everyone isn’t what a friend does. Ridiculing you shouldn’t be how they “get along” with you. And that side-eyeing you isn’t cool either and yes you do notice it. It’s time to let that fake “friend” go!

They don’t really listen to you when you speak
You could be crying your eyes out about your failed relationship and they just sit there filing their finger nails while chewing their gum loudly with their mind obviously on something else. You deserve to have friends who listen and give you their undivided attention when you are at your worst, at your best, and in between.

They gossip about others in the circle
You know that one friend that you cant tell too much to because your personal life problems will spread like wildfire. How do you know? Because they told you about Sarah’s deepest secret and lets not forget she told the clique about Ivonne’s personal issue. Oh, that’s right she also told everyone about Tonya’s bad news. Yup, that’s not a good friend to keep around, babe!

They lie to you
A friend who lies to you all the time isn’t a trusting friend at all. You may have had a lunch date with them and they cancelled on you because they had an “emergency”, but later saw their tagged photo on facebook of them out having brunch with other friends. Friendship is built on trust and if they lie to you, they aren’t really your friend.

They are jealous of you
A friend that is green with envy is a dangerous one. They will try to shift attention away from you. They may be upset that you make more money than they. Some will even be bothered that you are growing mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. Whatever the case, there is no telling what a jealous friend would do to get you down.

They flirt with your partner/spouse
There is nothing more disrespectful than a friend who comes visit you and flirts with your mate the entire time while you watch. These friends must never know your personal relationship business and should never be trusted alone with your man/woman! So, if you can’t go pee while your “friend” is there, then that is a HUGE red flag that that friend does not respect you and truly isn’t worried about you or your feelings.

True friends will have your back always and want the best for you in everything. They truly care for you despite your flaws and respect your every decision. The friends that you should have in your corner are the ones that nurture and maintain the friendship and check in on you especially during your hard times. A true friend loves you at all times.

Categories
Depression Family Friendships Personal

It’s Okay to Not Be Okay: Losing A Loved One

This is dedicated to my Brother in law who lost a parent, my niece who lost a grandparent, and my sister who lost an in law. This is for my dear friend who lost her husband and her children who lost their father. This is for a friend who lost a cousin. This is for the neighbors who lost their grandparent. This is for a friend who lost his brother in law and best friend. This is for a friend who lost her mother. This is for a parent who lost their child. This is for the brother who lost his sister. This is for the sister who lost her brother. This is for you if you lost someone you loved. And lastly, this is for me as I have lost a great friend. Rest in Peace, Gary Wright.

There is never a good enough reason for a loved one to be taken from us. Losing someone you love is something so hard to bear that even a person who is mentally strong breaks down to a million pieces and drowns himself in his own tears from the heartache. There is nothing like it. When someone experiences the loss of a loved one It changes them in a way, that they could never go back being the person they once were. They will never be the same. This is not a blog to guide you on how to cope and accept your loss. This is simply to let you know that it is okay to not be okay. You may have lost someone 3 years ago maybe even 10 and stillcannot quite grasp the realtiy of it all, and that is okay. There is no timeline on when you should accept, stop crying and hurting, and move on. That is not how it works when dealing with the daily struggles of losing someone so dear to you. Losing someone you love is so devestating that you can actually feel your heart break into tiny pieces. You feel so helpless because there is nothing that can repair the loss and there is nothing that can put your broken pieces back together again.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve, you have been changed forever. You don’t wake up one day and just get over the loss you have suffered and are ready to live life the way you once did when that person was next to you. No… BUT,you may wake up one day and not even realize that you have already accepted the fact that they arent physically here with you and thats the best that you can do, is accept. You can cherish the memories, go through photos, and even talk with them. They are still near you. They did not leave you behind. They never left you at all. When you cry, they hold you wishing they could tell you that you are not alone. When you talk with them, they are hearing you and talking right back to you wishing that you could hear them, too. But when you dream of them, perhaps that is the only way they can connect with you, who knows? That is where hope comes in. You can lose yourself in your tears for a moment (not forever), but keep that hope alive. Keep that hope that tells you that one day you will be able to live with the fact that they are gone. Keep hope that you will meet with them someday and they will run to you with arms wide open.

You may wake up each and every day pretending that you are okay, while your heart is screaming in pain. I am here to tell you that you do not have to pretend. Cry. Scream. Take days off. But when you are done, you have to pick yourself back up and know that you have to continue to move forward. Not moving on, just forward. Don’t forget them, don’t cover up the pain, but feel and live until you can sincerely smile without forcing yourself to. That is hope – Finding your smile back when you have endured true hardship. Each griever must find their own way. You will find your way back to some type of normalcy. Your own normalcy. Your new normalcy. Take your time. Embrace your reality. I know your spirit is crushed, but one day it will be whole again. You will never get ‘over it’, but you will get through it. Keep that hope. Its okay to not be okay, just as long as you’re not giving up. It is hard to be strong after a tremendous loss, and you don’t have to be. You don’t even have to look strong. It’s okay to fall apart. This is one hard fight for you. This is a wound that will scab over, but never completely heal. Its okay to have bad days because it reminds you how much you love them and the good days remind you that they are right there with you. It’s okay to not be okay.